I have too many thoughts in my head. Today I had a pretty good day, but I have pretty good days everyday. Nothing had changed. I want something new and exciting in my life. Living in a small-town gets rough for me. Friends are hard to find, it's quiet all the time, and nothing happens. It's getting depressing. Am I the only one who hates living here?
Early this morning it was raining outside, so I decided to go for a run. I love going for runs to clear my head. The rain coming down on my face, with the woods next to me really gives me a peace of mind. Takes me away from where I am for a few minutes.When I got back from my run I smelt something sweet coming from the kitchen. I usually get nervous when he cooks for me. He always wants to sit down at the table with me and have a "long talk". I sat at the kitchen table as my dad put pancakes in front of me. We then shockingly, had a long talk about how I am doing. I can't lie, I like when he worries about me, but there's some things that I don't like talking about. Things like why I don't have any friends coming to the house. It's not that I don't want friends, I just don't find the people in this town that great to be friends with. When I go to school I usually talk to a few people in class, just because I have to. Other then that, I don't have a best friend or even a good friend. I just have my dad.
I miss mom when it comes to this stuff. It's hard being a girl and not having anyone to look up to. I kind of miss talking about girlie things. My mom always liked braiding my long brown hair. She always looked in my hazel eyes and told me that I looked beautiful. No one really tells me that anymore. God I miss that. My dad tries his best, but mom always had the right things to say. I know she's looking down at us, but I always wonder if she's disappointed. I'm sure she has always wanted the best for me. Is this the best it gets? I guess time will tell. When I got home from school that afternoon, I sat on the couch and I watched
football highlights with my dad. I don't really like sports, but my dad loves football, so I wanted to share that passion with him. I think mom would be proud of me for that. Two hours later we ate my favourite pasta dish that my mom used to make. It has a parmesan sauce and long stringy noodles. So good! After that I finished up my homework and went for another run. See... it was a good day. Nothing terrible happened, but nothing amazing happened either. It was ok. I have dreams that one day I will be living in a great big city, with lively people all around me. I dream that I will be a fancy lawyer and make a difference in the world. I want to feel accomplished. That's why I need to get out of this small crappy old town.
Love Auden <3
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